I feel ambiguous

I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about this Babylon Bee article: America Prepares For Plagues 2 Through 10

The U.S. is still reeling from COVID-19, but people feel they’ve recovered enough that it might be time to finally start plagues two through ten.

“Everyone is really hardening their hearts — especially before going on Twitter,” says plague analyst Roderick Jordan. “And everyone has learned absolutely nothing. It’s probably a good time to begin on the next of God’s plagues.”

President Trump agreed. “I could do like twenty plagues,” Trump told the press at one of his daily briefings, “and I’m never going to change my ways.” Trump then took out his phone. “See? I’m sending an inappropriate tweet right now. I will never learn and I will never stop no matter what happens.”

It’s unclear what the next plague will be, but it is quite certain that everyone will complain about it but not change their ways at all until at least eight more plagues after that. Some wish, though, that God would be more specific on what wickedness they’re being punished for — as there is a lot of wickedness going on — so people know exactly which one to defiantly not stop doing.

I hope at least some of us have learned things and are changing for the better. You don’t see much evidence of that happening, though.

2020 so far

• Plague
• Locusts
• Earthquakes
• Volcanos
• Tornados

I’d ask what’s next, but I don’t think I want to know.

Satire?

Bernie Sanders Drops Out As Campaign Goals Of Locking Everyone Up, Destroying Economy Already Achieved

As the coronavirus panic has already accomplished the aims of his socialistic policies, Sanders realized the country didn’t need his public service anymore. Unemployment has skyrocketed, grocery stores have empty shelves, and everyone is confined to their homes on penalty of arrest. This “idyllic paradise” is exactly what Sanders wanted in the first place, so he says he can leave the race satisfied that his vision has been achieved.